One of the constants in life is change. Change can come in various ways. New jobs, new additions to the family, new homes, are all examples of changes that we look forward to and celebrate. But what about those changes that come unexpectedly, or that hurt? Break-ups are typically hard changes to get adjusted to. The healing process is sometimes even harder. Not to mention, it looks different for everyone. The tips below are what have helped me in the past, and I hope they are able to help whoever is reading this. But if they don’t help, or you feel you need something more, don’t be ashamed to seek some outside support from a trained professional.
Mourn the Relationship
The first step to healing is acknowledging what hurt in the first place. Whether the break-up was sudden, or gradual, they hurt just the same. You still have to come to terms with the reality that the relationship has ended. Mourning the relationship takes into account missing the person and the memories you two made, as well as the future you envisioned together. Crying and journaling have been ways to cope with the mourning process.
Hopefully, once you’re all cried out you can begin to think of the positives of the relationship. What lessons did you learn about yourself? What did the relationship teach you to look for in your next relationship? What will you no longer tolerate in any new relationships? I know it’s cliche, but every experience can be one to learn from. Once you begin focusing on the positives, it will make it a little easier to see the end of the relationship in a more positive way.
One of the bright sides of a break up is being able to channel all that energy that you spent on loving that person, into loving yourself even more. Take yourself out on dates, do things that bring you joy, learn to embrace the solitude that comes with just being with yourself. You have more time to do whatever it is you please, whether that be focusing on your career, trying new things or treating yourself.
Surround Yourself with Positivity
Though I just mentioned how much of a benefit it is to spend time with yourself, it is also just as essential that you spend time with others that love you as well. Break-ups are a common occurrence in life, which means that odds are someone that cares about you has been in your situation before and will understand. Rely on your support system, and keep those in your circle that remind you of how loved you are. Talking you feelings out with them can also help you process your emotions and facilitate in the healing process.
It also might be helpful to read affirming and empowering messages. Downloading apps such as the Shine App, and Eternal Sunshine, send positive affirmations and have recorded sounds to meditate to. If you rely heavily on your faith to get you through the storms in your life, the Bible App might be helpful as well. They have a lot of plans on healing, trust, forgiveness, and peace.
Don’t Rush the Process
When I say don’t rush the process, it is a reminder that healing does not have a timeline. It does not happen overnight, and you shouldn’t expect it to. Honor your heart’s timeline. Try not to compare yourself to others or feed yourself a lot of “I Shoulds.” For instance, “I should be over her by now,” “I should not be crying over him anymore,” or “I should be ready to move on” are all common thoughts that may occur. However, these thoughts are not honoring where you are at the moment. Instead of focusing on where you think you should be, recognize where you actually are, and acknowledge those feelings. Burying the feelings does not speed the healing process up. Remember to take things day by day. Some days may be harder than others, but that doesn’t mean you’re not making progress. Healing is not linear.
Have you recently gone through a tough break up? Are you having trouble moving on? Do you feel like you need assistance in your healing process? If so, visit "Therapy is My Jam" and click on "Schedule An Appointment" or call 301-661-3481 to schedule an appointment today.